Plank Pullin': The one where I feel judged

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It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style. 

Let me start with a general confession:

People bug me.

I mean, I'm as personable and easy to get along with as the next guy when everyone's being nice and reasonable and friendly... and I truly enjoy interacting with others who are happy and open-minded and interesting.  But.  I am an introvert through and through, and I get "peopled out" very easily.  Unfortunately, the internet (which is, of course, an invaluable source of those happy and open-minded and interesting people I do like talking to) also provides a veritable and unending stream of frustration in the form of the rude, the arrogant, and lately, the judgmental.

I have felt a lot of judgment lately.... not judgment aimed at me specifically, but aimed towards people like me:  those of the "more Jesus, less religion" ilk.  People like me who truly love God, but who, for one reason or another have rejected the traditional path of organized religion.  Those who have found freedom in the relationship, even (or especially) outside of church, and those who have eschewed a lifestyle built on rules.

It has been following me - and frustrating me - all week.  First was the conversation I happened on about unschooling.  Then it was parenting. Then it was what kind of statuses are inappropriate to post on Facebook. Then it was clothing.  Then it was television. Then it was the proper way to talk to God.  Then it was the proper way to talk ABOUT God.  Then it was the proper kind of church to go to.  "People who know and love God would not xyz.  The bible is clear that we're commanded to xyz.  You are not a good Christian woman if you xyz."  Is it any wonder that when, a few days ago, a non-Christian friend bemoaned how judgmental she found Christians, I could do nothing but commiserate?

I don't fit into a box, Christian or otherwise.

I don't go to church regularly.
I unschool.
I love tattoos.
I put weird colors in my hair.
I sometimes laugh at inappropriate things.
I sometimes SAY inappropriate things.

.....


And I know that God loves me anyway.

I don't like feeling judged. But - and this is the part where I finally get around to pulling my plank - my feeling frustrated or angry towards the ones doing it is really no different than the judgment itself. If I'm all indignantly yelling, "How DARE she judge me?" aren't I judging as well? And how about that... it doesn't feel nice coming or going.

Whatever journey they are on is just that: theirs. And this one is mine. And I can ignore their existence love them and learn to sincerely wish them well, and rest assured in the peace that comes from knowing that nothing anyone else says can affect my own personal relationship with God.






Like the Path Less Taken on Facebook

Thou Shalt Not Do Yoga

I have a long, complicated history with church. I think the last time I blogged about church, I was at something of a crossroad. We were not going to church regularly, I had concerns about judgment and hypocrisy, and I felt my spiritual life was healthier outside of a church atmosphere.

Now, seven months later, I'm at something of a crossroad.  We are not going to church regularly, I have concerns about judgment and hypocrisy, and I feel my spiritual life is healthier outside of a church atmosphere. 

However.

I don't want to ever say "never."  I want to stay open, and listen, and go in whatever direction it is that we're called to go.... whatever that may mean.

The yoga teacher training I'm going to take is through a Christian yoga program.  I have gone back and forth on this so many times that I've lost count.  I want to do it, I don't want to do it, I want to go through a secular school, I don't want to go through a secular school, I want to do it, I don't want to do it.  It's exhausting.   What I've realized though is that no matter how many times I talk myself out of it, for whatever reason, it keeps. coming. back.  I cannot make it go away.  It has been placed on my heart so strongly that I just can't ignore it, and I don't want to ignore it.  It's clearly something I've been called to do.  I share that both to demonstrate what my faith means to me, and to give some background as to one of the reasons I'd have such a bias against the ad we recently received for a local church here.

The ad says:

Strobe Lights..... NO
Disco Balls..... NO
Fog Machines.... NO
Choreographed Praise Dancers..... NO
Canned Sermons..... NO
Yoga Classes..... NO
Plastic People..... NO


SPIRIT.... YES
TRUTH.... YES

I understand what the ad was trying to convey.  I do.  They're proud of the fact that they strip away all the other "stuff", and concentrate on the simplicity and on the truth.  In theory, I agree with that.  I personally feel closest to God in the middle of the desert, or a mountain, or the woods.... with no walls or pews or Bibles or ministers (or any people, for that matter) in sight.  So I can relate to the sentiment.  

But...

By bringing attention to the very things they want to avoid, they're making them more important than they need to be, which seems to be the opposite of their intention.  Using those things as a reason to go to their church as opposed to a church that does have yoga classes or praise dancers or strobe lights feels like a negative campaign to me (and is one of the huge reasons that I have little tolerance for political ads)  It's implying that there's something inherently wrong with all those things, and I just don't think there is.  Who's to say what's right or wrong when it comes to someone else's spiritual path?  What if someone DOES happen to like strobe lights or disco balls, yoga classes or bongo drums?  What if those things help bring them closer to God, or help them reflect, or help them worship?  And wouldn't a church that is specifically advertising as not having certain things only serve to alienate people... people who might otherwise be looking for a church and want to attend?  

There is so much division among religions of the world.  SO MUCH division.  And we're not making it any better.  We're even creating division among Christian churches, churches which all claim to be worshiping the same God.   I've been to churches that had major conflicts (ie:  people getting so offended that they were leaving the congregation) over things like replacing the pews with chairs,  getting rid of song books and putting the words on an overhead projector, having pot luck dinners in rooms other than the designated "fellowship hall."   These things don't matter. Preferences over lights and praise dancers and yoga classes don't matter.  

A few weeks ago, this photo of Christians holding hands and forming a protective ring around praying Muslims in Egypt was going around Facebook.  That's what life should be about.  It should be about coming together, not finding more reasons to get further apart.  It should be about helping one another and loving one another and accepting one another, regardless of where or how or whom one chooses to worship.  It should be about finding the common thread, instead of looking for the different one.

It should not be about splitting hairs over inconsequential things that at the end of the day just. don't. matter.  

I don't know what the future holds as far as my family and church.  I really don't.  What I do know is that if I'm ever taking a yoga class with plastic people and choreographed praised dancers, while listening to a canned sermon, under the glow of strobe lights, the brightness of disco balls, and the haze of fog machines... that the God that I know and love will be there with me.

My New Vision Board

A vision board, or dream board, is basically a visual representation of goals, dreams, and wishes. The concept draws on the Law of Attraction which states that like attracts like, and that whatever you focus on will manifest itself in your life, whether positive or negative. I love this idea and have always made myself various version of vision boards since long before I knew what it meant.

Most of what's on my current board is pretty self-explanatory, from building my faith, to getting out of debt, to continuing my natural health studies, to furthering my yoga practice, to hiking and exploring more of the earth. My favorite part though is the big blue picture of the family right in the center. I love the picture, and I love that it's a family of six, with someone to represent each one of us. No matter what the year brings, at the end of the day, it's going to begin and end with my family.

Away in a Manger

Day 21 - Go Geocaching

No new pictures for today, other than our friendly little snowman. Today was... ok. We went out for a few geocaches, braved the grocery store to prepare for Friday, and I tried not to be completely bummed out by the fact that vacation has begun and I'm still sick.

Here's a picture from Saturday night's show though, both because it was a visually beautiful presentation, and because it provides a nice reminder of the "reason for the season." It's really not about me and my illnesses. Shocking.


That's my sister as Mary, and my brother in law as Joseph. The animals were all real, but baby Jesus was not. Tegan was still enthralled by him, and couldn't wait to go up and meet him after the show was over. I love that all my children are taking their own paths to come to know and love Jesus.