Projects, my mom, and homemade pasta

The older I get, the more traits I realize I share with my mother. 

My mom and I both are big fans of trying new projects. And we're not little toe-dippers either. We get an idea, we get all excited, and the next thing we know we have closets full of... stuff... for jewelry making, wine making, lip balm making, scrap book scrapping, hair clip crafting, gold panning (although in my defense, the gold panning supplies were my husband's idea)

I have a tendency to get a little too, well,  enthusiastic when I am struck with inspiration. You know how when you try a crazy or difficult new recipe, a sensible person would think, "This might not turn out right. We might not like this. I'll just make a small batch?" Well my brain immediately tends to go to, "Pssssh, it's a waste of time to make such a tiny amount. I'll triple it."

And it's a vicious circle too, because every time my mom does something new, which is often, I can't help but think, "Wow, that's cool. I should try that." And I often do. Recently she's been making these beautiful pieces of wire jewelry, and has been etching glass for a year or two now.

Isn't this beautiful?

I can't apologize for my penchant for jumping headlong into new projects. Even if it sometimes means closets - and garages - full of abandoned supplies. Even if it sometimes means three giant batches of something that was supposed to be edible, but was in fact not edible, in the trash. Even if it sometimes frustrates my husband.

I really believe that it's important to try new things, to keep learning, and to stay engaged (or get acquainted) with your creative side. I also think that it works out strongly in my favor that I share this belief with my mother. Because when she's done with something, I get her hand-me-downs.

Yesterday, inspired by my big, huge list, I decided to pull out the pasta maker she gave me a few months ago (from where it had been sitting, untouched, in the garage.) While I was hunting for it, I came across the sewing machine, also from my mother and also untouched, that I was so excited to get... um, about 8 years ago.

Note to self: Sew something soon.

But first, PASTA!

The box had everything but the instruction manual, so first we had to Google. Then I carefully washed all the pieces, got it assembled, and put on Everett's chosen shape. Two cups of flour, a couple tablespoons of olive oil, a little water, and one (homegrown) egg later, and we were in business.

There was one brief moment of panic when the motor completely shut off just as it started to extrude the noodles, but it was nothing a little troubleshooting and readjusting couldn't fix.

 
And about an hour from the time I first got the machine out of the garage, we enjoyed our very first, very delicious, homemade pasta.

On a sad, and ironic, post note: After we all agreed that our future was going to hold lots of homemade pasta making, a critical inside piece of the machine (already stressed and weathered just from age) completely snapped and broke when it was being washed.

They don't make the machine anymore. And they don't sell replacement parts. :(

Oh well. I'm glad we got to use it, even once. Now I get to research buying a different kind, which is half the fun of a new project anyway.

And I really am going to sew something. Soon.

Our Big, Huge, List

The kids and I have been a little... uninspired... lately. I blame part of it on decompressing after a very busy 2010 (even though that was now over 3 months ago), and I blame part of it on myself. I haven't been sleeping for a long time now, which as anyone who suffers from insomnia can tell you, starts to make a person, well, kind of crazy.

Things haven't been bad (bone crushing exhaustion aside), but they've been... safe. Familiar. Like we've been in a rut, and not a terribly exciting one.

So, inspired by my lovely friend Erica (aka Sierra Mama) I decided to make a list of goals. I invited the kids to join me, and together we sat outside and brainstormed a bunch of things that we want to do, see, and learn about the rest of the year... things to work towards, things to be excited about, and things to get us going again. Everyone had something to add, and it was all put in one big list with no designations, because we'll all work together and help each other in our pursuits. I'm sure we'll add to it, and swap things out as we go, but this is our list as of today in all its beautiful, optimistic glory:

1. Pan for gold
2. Learn how to fix lawn mowers
3. Learn how to fix vehicles
4. Learn how to play hockey
5. Learn to read well
6. Make a paper-mache volcano
7. Make homemade pasta
8. Drive go-carts
9. Get better at skateboarding
10. Learn to ice skate
11. Learn to roller skate
12. Learn about scorpions
13. Learn to drive a riding lawn mower
14. Learn about sting rays
15. Learn about jelly fish
16. Learn how to do Algebra
17. Go on roller coasters
18. See a panda bear
19. Get a gerbil
20. Ride a segway
21. Make our own sushi
22. Finish watching the US History DVDs
23. Build something out of wood
24. Learn about classic muscle cars
25. Learn about the weather
26. Learn about horses
27. Make our own organic chicken feed
28. Have a lemonade stand
29. Have a yard sale
30. Practice writing
31. Learn about computer repairs
32. Learn about elephants
33. Go to unschooling conference
34. Go on cross-country trip
35. Save up for Disney trip in 2012
36. Save up for a DSi
37. Learn about electrical system
38. Learn about heating and cooling systems
39. Learn about architecture
40. Go fishing
41. Take vitamins every day
42. Learn how to sew
43. Keep working on expanding blogs
44. Finish book
45. Learn how a lawn mower is made
46. Build a playhouse
47. Learn how to do flips n stuff
48. Practice yoga every day
49. Learn about flexibility
50. Learn how to use our camera better
51. Go in a steam room
52. Learn about the presidential election
53. Learn about branches of government
54. Learn about trees
55. Paint the hallways
56. Put in the new security door
57. Build a run for the chickens
58. Paint and redecorate bedrooms
59. List Paxton's DS on Ebay
60. Finish Personal Trainer program
61. Go camping
62. Ride in a canoe
63. Get up to 500 geocache finds
64. Hide a new geocache
65. Dig in the ground
66. Go to Science Center
67. Landscape the front yard
68. Knit something
69. Make jewelry
70. Finish turning the Maverick into a MavFinder
71. Get another tattoo
72. Dye our hair
73. Do more science experiments
74. Grow crystals
75. Go in the lava tubes
76. Go to the zoo
77. Put up a new swing set
78. Start cub scouts
79. Learn how to play football
80. Make a poopy
81. Learn about digestion
82. Go back to Japanese garden
83. Take an art class
84. Build a remote control car
85. Read something every day
86. Write something every day
87. Pray every day
88. Make daily to-do list
89. Learn how to cook
90. Make more cupcakes
91. Learn how to make homemade chocolate
92. Sand and paint Tegan's little table and chairs
93. Sign up for 2011/2012 yoga teacher training
94. Write 3rd Nano book, and edit 2010 Nano book
95. Pay off Amazon credit card
96. Upgrade our cell phones
97. Get cell phone for big boys to share
98. Get an indoor hammock
99. Figure out how to make Paxton his own room
100. Get a digital piano
101. Learn to play drums
102. Learn to swim
103. Make a movie and post it on YouTube
104. Get braces off!!

Christian Unschooling, Defined

I didn't write this (though I wish I had) but I stumbled on it today, and I thought it so beautifully and succinctly said in two paragraphs what it took me 4 whole posts to say:

"Radical Unschooling is the Trust that a child will seek out and learn what he needs to know, when he needs to know it, without coercion, without school or school type methods, in the freedom and safety of his family. Our role as parents is to facilitate and make available our time, space, money, and lives to helping them explore the world.

Radical Christian Unschooling is the Trust that not only will a child seek out and learn what he needs to know when he needs to know it, without coercion, without school or school type methods, in the freedom and safety of his family, but that God will direct the child's path Himself. Our role as parents is to act as guides and mentors in the learning process, and to disciple our children in our Faith through our daily example of walking out our faith before their eyes."

--Susan McGlohn

Beautiful Cacti

Emerson the chicken visited us up in the swing set

One of Tegan's very favorite things to do right is to swing.  It actually makes me a little sad just how much she loves it because 1) The swing set (which we got for free 4 years ago) is in major disrepair, and is going to have to be taken down sooner rather than later, and 2) It won't be long before the temps are 110+, and our only outdoor activities will be those involving water.

So, we've been sure to spend lots of time on the swings - and enjoy every minute - for both of those reasons.   I push her on the swings until my arms start feeling like lead, and then I push her some more.  When she's had enough swinging, we go up into the play house area, where we hang out and chat about important girl things like Dora, chickens, and farts.   We were doing exactly that yesterday, when she suddenly stood up and said,

"MOMMY.  Look!  I see houses!"  She was looking over the wall towards the houses across the street.

Tegan's view across the street

I'm not sure if she's never noticed it before, or if she was just enjoying it anew, but she was very excited by this discovery.  She was looking across the street the way a tourist would look at the Grand Canyon.  In awe. 

"Look!  Look in their front yard!  A cactus!"  And then she heaved a giant sigh.  "Oh it's so beautiful."

"The cactus?"

"Yes, mommy, look.  It's a beautiful cactus." 

Keep in mind that we live in Phoenix.  There's a cactus on every corner.  There's a cactus everywhere. We can't leave our house without seeing a cactus.  Like anything else that you're used to living around, we take them for granted.   They provide a pretty backdrop when we're off-roading, but beyond that I never give them much thought.

But my daughter wasn't looking at just any old cactus, she was looking at this cactus, and she found it beautiful.  My heart broke a little bit, again, the way it does every time I'm struck with just how very much I love these kids.  She is so innocent.  So pure.  So in love with life, and so in love with the moment.  And it's beautiful.  It's all beautiful. 

It's funny, because one of the biggest obstacles people seem to struggle with when it comes to deciding to homeschool is whether or not they'd know what they needed to know to teach their kids.   But as any parent that's paying attention could tell you: the real lessons, the important lessons, we learn FROM our kids, not the other way around. 

This particular lesson - to live in the moment, to be still, to appreciate the beauty and the wonder even in the simplest of things - is one that my youngest child has taught me well. 

"Yes baby, it IS a beautiful cactus."   And it was.  The most beautiful cactus I've ever seen.

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Oh how I hated that expression when I was growing up. Mostly because every time I heard it it was uttered by my mom (or another well-meaning adult) right after I had, in fact, been hurt by words.

"Mommmmmmm!!! He said I was stupid!" (or ugly or fat, whatever the insult du jour was that day)

(Patting me on the head) "Aw, you know the saying, 'sticks and stones.....'"

It is a stupid, stupid saying. Words can, and do, hurt.... especially as a child!

As an adult, I've learned to let a lot more things roll off my back, although I am still fairly consistently given the admonition, "Oh you're too sensitive." In fact, two separate people have recently presented this to me as a character flaw. While I do think that being excessively sensitive to words can be a negative (and I freely admit to a host of other character flaws for sure), I just don't believe it is wholly a bad thing. The part of me that makes me maybe get my feelings hurt a little too easily is the same part of me that allows me to think deeply. To care deeply. To pay close attention to, and measure, my own words and actions and how they might hurt others.

Just before I sat down to start writing this post, I read another diatribe about radical unschooling and how it equals (in the writer's mind) unparenting. I was struck, as I often am, by the interesting juxtaposition of how I can honestly not care what others think, but still sometimes get my feelings hurt when people categorically misjudge me and my lifestyle without ever having met me. Every now and then, the right words - or wrong words, as it were - can still sting.

Yes, words do hurt. But I, thankfully, have 37 years of perspective and experience with which to temper them.

A child does not. A child takes those negative words and internalizes them, is hurt by them, is damaged by them. Heard often enough, a child starts to live them. I personally KNOW adults who have heard the word "lazy" enough ..... or "stupid" or "unmotivated" or "bad" ..... as a child that they started to believe it. 

There's a reason why today's adults have spent so much time and money working out their "issues," learning why they do things they do, learning to shed the past.

I'm thinking about all of this today because I've noticed a disturbing trend: people using Facebook as an avenue to air their grievances about their children (and their spouses, but that's another post). Instead of dealing with whatever is going on, they use their status updates to be the equivalent of a schoolyard bully. To publicly name call and throw insults in an attempt to make themselves feel better, or maybe to garner sympathy.

I'm not sympathetic. I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't understand calling your children names. With two or three exceptions, all the words on the image up above are words I've seen recently in reference to people's own kids. I don't understand. You may argue, "Well I'm not saying it TO my kids." To me, that doesn't matter. And why would you say something about your kids that you wouldn't say to them? And if you DO say those words to your kids, do you ever stop to think about what kind of effect they're having? Even if it's lighthearted, even if you're joking... does your 2 or 5 or 10 year old know that? Does your teenager appreciate that kind of "humor"?

Oh Jennifer, you're being too sensitive again. They're just words. It doesn't mean anything.

Not this time. Words hurt. Unkind words hurt, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are, but especially when you're a child.

We all have bad days. Our kids have bad days. But calling (and thinking!)our children "naughty" or "bad" or "bratty" or "rotten" or "annoying" will not only not help the situation, but will actually exacerbate it. It will perpetuate the cycle, it will bring up bad feelings for all involved, and it will force us into a giant step backwards ... further away from the goal of a harmonious, mutually respectful relationship.  And words like "stupid", "lazy" and "unmotivated"?  As I said earlier, I know people who grew up hearing those words and have not yet recovered.  It literally hurts my heart to think of people referring to their own kids in that way.  Literally hurts.

And the bottom line is:  name calling isn't nice.  We know this.  We teach it to our children.  Maybe it's time we model it as well?

Words matter.
Kindness matters.
OUR CHILDREN MATTER.

A Day in the Life

A few weeks ago, myself and another unschooling friend spoke to a graduate class about unschooling. Since then, I've been contacted by handful of students wanting to interview me, learn more, and use our family as a case study for a final project. At first, it was just through email, but yesterday someone came to visit, observe, and talk with us in person.

I was nervous... worried that it would be the day that the kids would bicker, the washing machine would overflow, and the dog would finally catch and kill a chicken. Thankfully, I worried for nothing. None of those things happened, and in fact she was able to witness the kind of unschooling day that just unfolds like a symphony.

She arrived in the late morning, and by the time she'd gotten here I'd already had a lengthy conversation with Spencer about electrical circuits (complete with diagrams, by yours truly). I'd also had a lengthy conversation about the inner workings of a hand grenade with Everett (also complete with diagrams, by Everett) We'd picked up together, tended to all the animals, and gathered the morning eggs.

When she got here, we'd settled into a comfortable rhythm for the day. Tegan wanted to paint, so she was set up at the kitchen table. When she'd finished painting, she switched to making hand prints, then washed up to play with - and name - all the wooden letters in her Tegan puzzle. Everett had tired of writing his name on little post-its around the house, and was out back experimenting with water, mud, and physics. He was quite proud of the simulated hand grenade he'd created by filling a tube with water, and plugging the end with grass, mud, and a pin fashioned from a small root. Paxton spent most of his time on the computer, and Spencer alternated between computer time and adult conversation with me and our visitor. We introduced her to the rats and the snake, and spent a long time on the back patio watching the chickens and talking about school, learning, and upper level math.

I'd promised the kids we could go to the store to get the ingredients for homemade ice cream, so after she'd left we made our one – and only – outing for the day. Car conversation included genetics, war, and public transportation. We got our ice cream makings, and a fun dinner. When we got home, we pulled out the globe. Our guest was originally from Lebanon, so we found its location on the globe, along with several other countries that we'd wondered about. The geography discussion turned to talk of history, and more wars, and a good chuckle over a Friends episode where Chandler concocted a whole ruse about getting transferred to Yemen for work.

The evening held scooter riding, ice cream making, movie watching, and trouble shooting on our new (failed) camera battery.

And it was very, very good.

Christian Unschooling, Part 4: That Pesky Word, "Radical"

If you're just getting here, you might want to read 1, 2, and 3 first.

“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.” ~Mark Twain

I saved this post for last for a few reasons. First, in many ways it's the most important, because it ties everything together and is at the crux of why we do what we do. It's also one of the hardest and most frustrating to write, and the one I've been losing the most sleep over.

I've come to a disheartening realization lately. What I said in part one about feeling like I'm alone in many ways was the truth... too Christian for the unschoolers, too unschooly for the Christians. But the fact is, in some cases that feeling is self-imposed. The unschoolers I know have, as a whole, been extremely welcoming and non-judgmental. As my unschooling circle grows, I'm just more and more thankful for its presence, and proud to be part of it.

Christian homeschoolers are, sadly, not as welcoming. I've read, and received, a lot of harsh words from other Christians who take issue with what I'm doing, from unschooling to discipline to television habits.

The ironic thing though, is that the harshest comments actually tend to come from a segment of other Christian unschoolers, those who are quick to denounce the term "radical". And they don't mess around about it. Seriously. Hell hath no fury like a don't-call-me-radical Christian unschooler scorned.

And frankly, I'm confused. They decry secular unschoolers for being "judgmental" of some of their choices as Christians, while they talk out of the other side of their mouth about how "sinful" radical unschooling is, how "stupid", how it's a "contradiction to the word of God," how those kids will grow up to be wild and rude, with no discipline, no respect, no self-control.

Um. Wait... who's judging who?

Here's the thing:

I call myself a radical unschooler. And the reason I call myself a radical unschooler, as opposed to a garden-variety unschooler, is that I've taken the freedom, the respect, and the trust that I have for my children's education, and extended it to all other areas of our life and our relationship. That does not mean that I'm like every radical unschooler you've ever met or read about. That does not mean that my house, and our life, looks like that of every radical unschooler you've ever met or read about. It seems like this should go without saying, but I've read too many things lately that lead me to believe that people have one - negative - stereotype of radical unschoolers, and they like to toss everyone in together.

We're not all the same.

I feel like I need to make that distinction, because I keep hearing broad, sweeping statements like

"Radical Unschoolers let their children make ALL the decisions"
"Radical Unschoolers let their children be rude, out of control, and show no respect for other people"
"Radical Unschoolers don't set any boundaries"

And then, inevitably, come the scriptures... how we're commanded to "train up" our children. How we're to chastise and discipline, and DEMAND RESPECT. How we're to Train. Up. Our. Children. How to do anything less would be to doom them to a life of failure and a damaged relationship with God.

:::Pausing to take a deep breath:::

I want to be really clear when I say that I'm fully aware of the responsibility I have as not just a parent, but as a Christian parent, and one who is trying to raise children in Jesus's footsteps. And I don't subscribe to radical unschooling philosophies in spite of it..... I do so because of it. Radical unschooling makes me think about how I'm treating my children, makes me think about what I'm modeling, makes me think about what respect means, makes me think about why I make the decisions I make as a parent... whether it's asking my daughter to hold my hand when we cross the busy street, or telling my 6 year old that sure, he can have ice cream before dinner. Jesus had a lot to say about how to treat children. Not so much about bedtimes, time-outs, and required reading.

You're shaking your head again. But, training! But, discipline! But teaching them to respect you!

My three year old recently became enamored with the words, "thank you." She says thank you more than anyone I know. She was never taught to say thank you, but she has learned, because her father and I say thank to her, to her brothers, to each other. We show respect to her, to her brothers, to each other. I think there's a big confusion here between the words "teach" and "learn." We do not have to TEACH kids to have respect and discipline for them to LEARN to have respect and discipline. I do not TEACH my kids about the Bible, and about God and Jesus. But they LEARN because it's a part of our life. We talk about it, we answer questions about it. We live it. We breathe it.

I "train up" my children - if that's a phrase that works for you - by fostering our relationship. By modeling discipleship. By talking to them, by guiding them, by treating them the way I would like to be treated. By treating them the way that Jesus would treat them.

As for the radical unschooling misconceptions I listed above:

No loving, attentive parent truly lets their young children make all their own decisions. My daughter is still very young. She may decide that it's a good idea to play in the middle of the 45 mph street (except she wouldn't, because through modeling and guidance she has learned that it's not safe) But if she did decide to go into that street, I would - as her parent - decide to keep her out of harm's way. What if she decides not to comb her hair? Or decides not to eat her vegetables one night? Or decides to wear cowboy boots, polka dotted tights, and a princess nightgown to the grocery store? Does giving her autonomy in those areas put her in harm's way? Does letting her make those decisions conflict with the word of God? Yes, our children get as many choices as we can possibly give them. And I get choices, and my husband gets choices. A true unschooling family operates as a working, breathing, give-and-take UNIT, not child-centered, and not parent-centered. My needs, my husbands needs, the kids needs: they all factor into the equation.

As to being rude, out of control, and disrespectful... we behave as well as we're treated. And life is full of boundaries, whether we like it or not. There are externally imposed boundaries, and boundaries that we set ourselves without even realizing it. We set boundaries with our tone of voice, with the way we treat ourselves, and the way we treat others.

If a family has kids who are disrespectful, if the kids truly are making ALL the decisions, if there honestly are NO boundaries... maybe it has less to do with radical unschooling and more to do with that *individual* family's choices.

I don't begrudge anyone who isn't a radical unschooler. Or who isn't a homeschooler at all. That's all part of the freedom I spoke about it in Part Two. We are free to raise our children, and educate our children, in the way we are individually led. For me, I am led to be a radical unschooler... to give my children choices and autonomy. To operate as their parent, their partner, their facilitator, and their friend. To support them and guide them as they grow and learn and follow their own paths, not mine. As a Christian, I fully believe that their path is laid out for them by someone who knows FAR better than I. I believe in that, and I trust in it. Radical? You bet. Unscriptural? Not at all.

And finally, I feel I'd be remiss if I didn't point something out. If you're reading this, and you're a Christian who bristles at my using the word, "radical", think about this: If you're going to be more than a follow-the-rules, Sunday morning Christian; if you're going to get out of your comfort zone; if you're going to "walk the walk" and truly ask yourself what Jesus would do in all situations.... you're gonna have to get radical.

Jesus was radical. The Bible is RADICAL.

Being a believer should be radical.

Christian Unschooling, Part 3: Humble Yourself Like a Child

Have you read 1 and 2 yet?

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

Jesus had a pretty high opinion of kids. The verse directly before the one above says that "whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." The one before that says, "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

I think of these verses every time someone questions whether or not it is biblical to unschool. I think of these before I think of those about freedom. I think of these before I think of those about parenting. I think of these before I think of those about education. Why? Because no matter what else an unschooling journey is, it begins with the children. If it were not for the children, there would be no unschooling.

(I see you shaking your head. But, but... what about the verses about discipline? What about the "training" verses? I'll get to those, in my next - and final - post on the subject. This one is about the kids.)

I think children are wonderful (and it's a good thing, since I have four of them :)) but even I am pretty awed by the weight of the above verses. Not only are we to welcome children in God's name, not only are we to humble ourselves like children, not only are children the greatest in the kingdom of heaven... but we are to actually BECOME like children. Pretty strong words, don't you think?

BECOME like children...

I know a lot of adults who could stand to become more like children. Children naturally have so many beautiful traits that are so often lost as they become adults! I don't ever want my children to lose that certain something... that part that believes in magic, and miracles, and the goodness of others. I don't want them to rush to grow up. I don't want them to lose their spark, or lose their love of life, or lose their love of learning. I don't want them to ever lose their faith.

Children are:

open
passionate
full of wonder
innately curious about the world around them
driven
humble
innocent
imaginative
joyful

They are specifically, and perfectly, and uniquely created, exactly as they are. They are not potential productive members of society... they are productive members of society right now. They are deserving of being treated with dignity and respect. They are not - as many would have you believe - second class citizens.

I have four children. They all have their own personalities, their own interests, their own passions, their own styles of learning. They all have their own unique sense of self. They all have their own paths. I want to honor that, and honor them, the way Jesus honored children. One of the ways I choose to do that is by unschooling. By spending my days with them. By nurturing my relationship with them. By guiding them and helping them and trusting them. By giving them the freedom to live and learn in their own way at their own pace in their own time.

Unschooling (and homeschooling in general) is not right for every family. Absolutely! But I can't help but think that no matter what educational route we choose, as parents we still have the right, and the responsibility, to love our children as fiercely as Jesus did. To respect them, to appreciate them, to honor them, exactly as they are, exactly where they are. To in fact hold them in such high regard that we view them as examples of what we ourselves want to become.

Part 4

Christian Unschooling, Part 2: Freedom

*(This is the second part of a series. You can read the intro here if you missed it.)*

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

I don't like being told what to do. I'm the person who, when told to do something, will likely want to immediately do the exact opposite, just on general principle. Lots of unnecessary rules make me uneasy. Unsolicited advice makes my skin crawl.

I was never one to march to anyone's drum but my own.

You would think then, that I wouldn't be a person that would subscribe to any one religion. Religions are full of rules right? To an extent you'd be correct. And I have been to churches that have been very rules-focused. There have been times in my life that I've inwardly rebelled against anything even remotely overtly "religious," and to this day I'm very sensitive about feeling like I'm being preached at.

Thankfully, what I've come to realize is that Christianity isn't about the rules. It's about a relationship. It's not about living a life of rigidity. It's about living a life of FREEDOM. Verses like the one above tell us again and again that we've been set free, that we are not under a yoke of slavery.

And freedom is something I can celebrate!

Freedom to raise our children the way we see fit
Freedom to choose - or not - from any number of educational alternatives
Freedom to recognize and foster and appreciate our children's freedoms
Freedom to walk our own paths
Freedom to treat others with kindness, respect, and humility
Freedom to learn from, and with, all the people, places, and experiences in our lives

Does that freedom mean we should just be running all willy-nilly all over the place, with no regard for other's feelings or well-being? Does it mean that there are no consequences, no guidelines, no right and wrong?

Well that's where the relationship comes in. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you've had a fight with someone you love? That gnawing sense of general "ick" that persists until you've made up? That's how I liken the feeling I have when I've strayed from my faith. Not because I'm "breaking rules", not because I'm disappointing someone... but because I love God, and when you love someone you WANT to do right by them. You WANT to listen to what they have to say. You WANT to hear their message. So what's the message, you ask?

The message (at least before all us people and churches and prideful opinions gunked it all up with complexity) is simply to love one another. To focus on the relationships, to focus on the freedom we have in Christ.

People find freedom in all kinds of places, but in my own life, that freedom comes from God. I don't worry about tomorrow because of my faith. I don't worry about the small stuff because of my faith. I welcome and cherish and embrace our God-given freedom, and I know that within the framework of that freedom, I won't go wrong if I focus on the relationships... relationships with God, with my family, with everyone I come into contact with. Do I mess up every other second of every day  occasionally?  Of course!  I'm not perfect, and the person I want to emulate was.  But because of grace, and because of freedom, I can just try harder the next time.

It doesn't make sense to me to let go and fully trust in that freedom unless it's in all areas of my life, including that in which I raise my children.  I believe with all my heart that when we truly let go and have faith (no matter where that faith comes from) that our paths will be laid out for us.  This is where mine has led, and continues to lead, so I trust it.  I believe in it.  And I am so thankful that I have the freedom to live it.

I ultimately chose to unschool for a lot of reasons.   But allowing my kids to also live and learn in complete freedom will always be at the top of the list.

Part 3

Christian Unschooling, Part One

This post is a response. Actually, it's a response to several responses to a response to a response to a call for guest posts. Got all that? Doesn't matter. There were a lot of things said, things that ignited something in me. And because the threads that were ultimately spun off the original spool turned into a mud-slinging fray which I had no interest in joining, I came here... here where I could share my perspective, in a mud-free environment. As the title suggests, this is only part one. There will be more, but first a little background:

A few months ago, I went to a message board that I used to frequent but hadn't posted on for a very long time. I landed there by following an incoming link on my blog's Stats page. It turns out that someone had posted a link to my FAQs, looking for reactions and opinions to this weird thing called unschooling. And people responded.

Now, I am fully aware that what we do is outside of what mainstream considers "normal." And I'm also fully aware that people are going to be curious, and have differing opinions, and have misconceptions. I am completely, 100% fine with that.

But can I just say, it's weird to happen upon a conversation about yourself, one that you haven't been made privy to? It was the first time it had really happened to me, and it was a very strange, unsettling feeling. And it was made worse by the fact that because I hadn't posted in there in so long (and felt very much like an invited guest to the party) I didn't feel right saying anything. I would have loved to be able to say, for instance, "Well, that's not really what I meant. Let me clarify." Or, "I could elaborate on that if you're interested." Or, "I don't think you really heard what I had to say there." Or, "Could I answer your questions to help you better understand?" Alas, like I said, I remained silent. I went about my day, said nothing to anyone, and tried to swallow the fact that maybe I missed an opportunity.

But that's the nature of the internet, for better or worse. There's one camp over here, and another over there, and a zillion and one in the middle. Surely there is some common meeting grounds, some neutral territory as it were, but man... that place is tough to find. I rarely fit in with Christian groups, because I'm an unschooler. I rarely fit in with unschooling groups because I'm a Christian. There is something called Christian Unschooling (for which I am thankful, to be sure), but there are differing camps there too, something I've recently been reminded of. "We're unschoolers, but not RADICAL unschoolers. Don't think we're radical unschoolers!" Because that would be, apparently, unchristian.

A few brave souls have tried to bridge the gap, strove to embrace similarities instead of nit-pick the differences. Their reward? The mudslinging I mentioned earlier. A friend of mine recently posted this Christian Unschooling post as a guest blogger. Someone else posted a (fairly respectful) counter post on her own blog, and then the comments - and the mud slinging - began. Christian unschoolers don't care about their kids! They're doing them a grave disservice!  They're unChristian!  They're not following the bible!   Except they didn't say it like that.  They were, well, mean.  And they were judgmental.   And they weren't listening to each other.  They weren't having a dialogue.  They were blurbing out a whole bunch of preconceived notions, and they were passing judgment based on one blog post.

I'm kind of..... well, I'm flummoxed.  What's a person to do?  We're supposed to get out there and spread the word right?   That yes, you CAN be both a unschooler and a Christian.  We're supposed to be able to have intelligent conversations with mature people, not get stoned at the first sign of dissent.   We're supposed to love one another, to embrace differences, to accept other people.

I'm used to being a lone reed... but I just refuse to believe I'm alone in this.

And so, I'm going to do it... I'm going to blog my own feelings on Christian unschooling, and invite your (respectful) comments, opinions, and questions.  This is where I'll be coming from:

1) I am a Christian.  By Christian, I simply mean someone who loves Jesus and strives to be more like him.

and

2) I'm also a radical unschooler.  By radical unschooler, I mean an unschooler who also has eschewed traditional parenting tenants in favor of a partnership, one in which there are (among other things) no mom-imposed bedtimes, no chore-charts, no time outs.

I'll talk about both of those things in much more detail, including my "WHY's" in Part 2.    Join me.

Part 2

Jill Parkhill Designs Winner

Thanks to all who entered and shared the link, and of course a huge thank you to Jill!

The winner (drawn randomly by randomizer.org) is:

Claudia ·
Planning to redo a bedroom for my two girls to share - a sisters painting would be such a fun, surprise addition!

Congratulations Claudia!  I am so excited for you, and I hope that you'll come back and share with us a picture of what she's created for you. :)   I will put Jill in contact with you soon so you can start planning.

Thanks to all for making this another fun giveaway.  And if you're a mom (or dad) who has your own product/business, and would be interested in doing a giveaway, contact me, and let's talk!

Ten Things to Learn From Japan

1. THE CALM - Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY - Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY - The incredible architects, ...for instance. Buildings swayed but didn't fall.

4. THE GRACE - People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER - No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE - Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS - Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING - The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA - They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE - When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

From Alain Nu

T is for Tegan

Tegan (3 years old at the time of this writing) is enamored with letters right now. All letters, but especially the letter T. She will find, and excitedly point out, the Ts everywhere we go. "T for Tegan!" And when she can't find one, she'll make one.... crayons, markers, eye liner, dirt, yogurt... she's not choosy about her medium.

Yesterday was the kind of perfect March day that makes all my east coast friends - who are still under snow in many areas - groan with disgust. Low seventies, blue skies, very gentle breeze. A day that just defied you not to be outside. The kids and I have been a little housebound this week, so we got ourselves moving, got ourselves dressed, and headed to the park.

On the way there, we discussed such important topics as iCarly, what it means to write a bad check, jail (and juvenile hall), Corvettes, The Fray, and current trends in fashion. I would have been content with the day even if it had ended there, I so love riding and chatting with the kids.

But an afternoon of fun was waiting at the park:

There was swinging

And sliding.

More swinging

And running.

More swinging

And climbing.

 Hey look, cousins!

And more swinging.

And important meetings in the sand.

Yelling

And oh yes, even more swinging.

And last, but absolutely not least, a much looked up to and admired older cousin..

to help her make a gigantic, larger than life, T for Tegan in the sand.

And the day was complete. 

(Today's post was brought to you by the letter T and the number 3.)

Co-sleeping, Parenting, and the Passage of Time

I love how her bear is tucked in between them :)

I had to get up early to go to the dentist this morning.  I took a shower, got ready to go, and came back to the bedroom to say goodbye.  Mike and the girl were still sleeping, and looking at them just pulled at my heart ... enough that I had to go get the camera to preserve it.

Every now and then, I get this weird flash of awareness that takes my breath away.  It almost feels like I was plucked from my life as a 19 year old newlywed, and just set down in the future..... 4 kids and 18 years of marriage later... with no recollection of any of the years in between.  It honestly sort of stops me in my tracks.  How can it be that 1) I'm old enough to have been married for 18 years, and 2) I've given birth to four children?  I'm pretty sure that it was just a couple of months ago that I was pregnant with my first child:  Excited, happy, and in so many ways just a kid myself. 

Then we had the next two boys, and I was happy and content with our little family of five. 

And BAM.  I get out of the shower one morning, and there's my three year old daughter blissfully sleeping away in my bed, beside my husband of nearly two decades.  

Yes, it takes my breath away.

And adding to my strange sense of surrealism is the fact that it's a life I never imagined (but in a good way!)  I had a friend in high school who used to talk about how much she dreamed of being married and becoming a mom.  I always wondered if there was something wrong with me, because while I guess I assumed I'd get married and have kids at some point, I never really thought about it.  Never fantasized about it.  Never imagined what kind of parent I'd be.  And if I did imagine it, my future mom-self would have certainly been a little more.... mainstream... than I turned out to be.  :)

But here's this little girl in my bed.  This perfect, beautiful little girl, the fourth child to sleep in my bed.   And it's everything I never knew I always wanted.

To Do (Or Not To Do)

Don't you love it how, when you've got something on your mind, you suddenly see it everywhere? It's like God and the universe and all of humanity just get together and throw not just signs, but big, honking HUGE signs in your path until you act on them.

I've blogged over the past few days about how I've been a little bit... lost lately. A little bit overwhelmed. My husbands says I've been in a funk. I say I've been "creatively (and probably mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) blocked." No matter what you call it, I haven't been me lately. And one thing that helps me, one thing that always helps me, is getting more organized. I KNOW this. I know this well. And yet...

I still fight it, tooth and nail, every time.

No, no, no! Screams my inner child. I am a free spirit! I do not need lists, I do not like schedules, I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl! I work well in the chaos. I will not change my ways. I will not, I will not, I will NOT!

I sort of stubbornly cling to the madness instead of admitting I might need a little help. Now, I'm not a big Dr Phil fan, but for better or worse it's his voice I keep hearing in my head..

"How's that working out for you?"

And it's not. I've been spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. And I'm tired. I admit it. But what to do about it?

And this is where God, the universe, and all of humanity come in. Everything I've seen, read, or listened to the past several days has said the same things: I need to make a to-do list. I need to get back to basics. I need to remember what's important. I need to prioritize. I need to take baby steps. I need to make a to-do list.

A list? Come on. A list will not solve my problems. And ordinarily, when I'm thinking clearly, I would tell you that I LOVE lists. Lists are my friend. Lists make me happy.

But now, really? A list? I've been resisting this for days.

This morning, I signed onto Twitter, and the very first tweet I read was from someone who I find almost irritatingly upbeat, positive, and inspiring. It read:

The easiest way to improve time management is to keep a to-do list.

Oh alright already, I'll make a stinking to-do list!

So this morning, I did. And wouldn't you know, I was more productive today than I've been in weeks and weeks, and I felt like I had way more time to spend with the kids. How is that even possible? But somehow, it is. I thought about what was important. I prioritized. I took baby steps. I got back to basics.

I still pushed the 3 year old on the swings. And I watched Dora. And I played Memory. And I played Uno Moo. And I baked. And I connected with my boys. And I went to bed at a decent hour, on freshly washed sheets. Instead of lamenting that I wished I had more hours, I actually felt like I had gained hours. I felt calmer, I felt less frazzled, I felt less scattered.

All because of a to-do list? Well, no. But it was a step. And sometimes that's all it takes.

"Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Goals, Plans, and Heavy Equipment

Spencer is fourteen at the time of this writing.

I love having a teenager. What's that you say? What about the sullen, rebellious, eye-rolling teenagers that sitcoms would have you believe are the norm? Not in this house. I like my teen, and find I'm enjoying being around him more than ever. I've so far enjoyed all of my kids' ages, but there's just something really cool about someone who still plays with legos, but can laugh at and appreciate a sophisticated joke that goes over his younger siblings' heads. Or a person who can equally enjoy both Tom and Jerry with his three year old sister, and Law and Order: SVU with his parents.

As he's gotten older, he's naturally started thinking and talking more about the future, and about what he sees himself doing as an adult. For the past few years, (and really, longer than that, since his fascination with construction vehicles began as a toddler) he's been interested in going into the field of construction, and learning to operate heavy machinery. Yesterday, we spent a long time looking online at different schools, training programs, and apprenticeships. We talked about all his different options, and what he needs to do to get there. He is so excited.

One of the questions I get a lot about unschooling is, "How will they get into college?" Now, I can personally think of about 7,492 better ways to spend the tens of thousands of dollars that college costs (especially when you don't want to go into a field that legally requires a certain degree), but that aside, an unschooler gets into college just like anyone else... they find out what's required for their school/s of choice, and they do it! It's no more simple nor complicated than that.

In Spencer's case, he has no interest (or need) for traditional college, but will have to go through a rigorous, and largely on-the-job, training and testing program in order to learn what he needs to know, get certified, and be able to work on his own. First he'll need a driver's license, and a high school diploma or GED. We've been researching that too, and there are more and more high schools that grant diplomas to homeschoolers for life experiences and/or after taking a test.

Most of the programs he's looking at also have an age requirement of 18, which means that he has four years (at a minimum... no one is telling him he can't decide to do it when he's 20. Or 34.) Four years to live, learn, think, plan, and do what he needs to do in order to earn his diploma and meet his own goals. Considering that a motivated and eager person can learn everything that is taught between K through 12 in a matter of months, I'd say he's in darn good shape.