"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Finding Our Groove

Confession: I find the first year with a new baby incredibly hard. With Spencer, we were a little spoiled because 1) he was a very laid-back baby, and 2) he was an only child! Paxton spent a good portion of his first year of life screaming, despite my best attempts to console him. Everett was a little more carefree, like Spencer was, but his first year was difficult for other reasons. Plus by then I had a 7 year old and a 3 year old who needed me as well.

With Tegan, thinking about her first year makes me sad in too many ways. I feel like I missed so much of it, being so sick with my gall bladder (then the surgery and subsequent recovery period) Even now, nearly a year post-surgery, I'm still not "right," and it puts me out of commission way more often than it should. Everett has had a very difficult time with the amount of time and attention that a baby needs, and it breaks my heart a little bit to know that he feels like he hasn't had enough of me for the past year. Its a cliche, but I have wished so often in the past year that there were two of me. I've been feeling stretched, at times nearly to the breaking point.

Lately though, there's been a shift. It's been gradual and slight, but it's there. Tegan isn't quite as grumpy as she was a few months ago. I'm able to set her down more often, which allows me to play with both her and Everett more easily. She's actually playing with her brothers, instead of trying to hit/throw/destroy whatever it is they're doing. She's taking a fairly predictable afternoon nap, and I'm able to devote more of my time to the boys. The house is running more smoothly, and things are just... calmer. Happier. There are more good days than bad.

Yesterday there was a huge Spring celebration at church, and we were there for four full hours. The boys had an absolute blast on the inflatable bouncy houses and obstacle courses and slides (there were over 18 of them to choose from!) Mike and I were able to listen to the lesson while the kids enjoyed their kids' classes. We all got dinner from the grill and sat on a blanket in the crowd and ate it picnic-style. On the way home, we decided to cap off the day by stopping for ice cream.

Life is still busy, and at times oh-so-stressful. But yesterday was good. Right now, here in this moment, it's all good.


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