On My Phone

Suddenly being camera-less and laptop-less has made me more fully embrace the picture and computing capabilities of my phone, such that they are. I was looking through the 500+ pictures in my phone's gallery, and I realized how many I snapped over the past few months that had never been shared. And really, what's the point of a picture - even a questionable quality, hastily shot cell-phone picture - if it's never shared? So here are just a few random and happy memories from fall till now, in no particular order:

Real Life

I have a couple of specific memories from my home-ec class in Junior High.  I remember making spaghetti:  We took it out too soon, and it was crunchy.  I remember making chocolate chip cookies, and I remember that my friend got reprimanded because it was her idea to add twice as much flour than the recipe called for, hoping to make twice as many cookies.

I remember a little bit more from my shop class, but it was mainly because the teacher was the cool kind of teacher that chatted with us about non-school related things.  I remember he told me once that I was "introspective," and I had to go home and look it up.  He was right.


I remember that I complained about getting smoke in my eyes once when I was using a word burner, and he immediately burst into song, 
"They said someday you'll find

All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes"

(a band called The Platters, sometime in the '50s.  In case you were wondering)

I did some cooking projects, and some sewing.  I built a birdhouse and made a leather belt.  I was shown how to do a budget and balance a checkbook.  Yes, I was introduced to some "life skills" - albeit in an artificial environment - in school.   But did I learn them?  

I learned to cook and bake from my mother, who made at least a dozen kinds of cookies at Christmas, and patiently explained the intricacies of making homemade bread or pasta or when I asked.

I learned about building things and fixing things and creating things from my father, who has the mind of both an engineer and an artist.

I learned about money and checkbooks and debt when I was a 19 year old newlywed making minimum wage.

I learned about parenting when I had my first child (NOT, shockingly, from the week of carrying around a 5 lb bag of flour "baby" in my high school sociology class)

Okay, you're saying, those things can be learned at home, but things like math and reading need to be taught in school, or at least with a structured curriculum.

Really?

My earliest memories of reading involve being read to, again by my mother, who read aloud to me long after I could read on my own.  She involved me, and I learned.  My earliest memories of learning to really appreciate reading came not from school but from my own devouring of Beverly Cleary, Carolyn Keene, and Judy Blume.  Later on I would graduate to Emerson, Thoreau, and Shakespeare, not because I had to but because I wanted to.   Because reading is like breathing... if it hasn't become a chore, and if it isn't forced against someone's will.

Paxton, who learned to read at 5 without a single lesson - and without ever setting foot in a classroom - has read two Boxcar Kids books in the past 5 days.  Spencer, who learned to read even younger -  also without a single lesson - is frequently found on the computer, reading about medical cases he learned about on Dr G;  or researching about what kind of training he needs to operate a construction business;  or gathering information to build his case about the next pet he wants to get.  

And math?  Few things fill me with such dread and anxiety as remembering some of my upper-level math classes.  My history with high school math ended very, very badly... with confusion, humiliation, and tears... visits to the guidance counselor, a class dropped mid-semester, and a teacher telling me that I was shutting doors for myself.  And that I would never live up to my full potential.  And that I would ultimately be a colossal failure at life.  

All because I dropped pre-calculus.  

This was in 1991.   And yes, I'm still bitter.  (Okay, okay, she didn't use the words "colossal failure," but the rest was verbatim.)

And I can't help but wonder:  WHY was that class so important exactly?  What did I gain besides greater fear, a blow to my self-esteem, and a really unpleasant memory?  20 years later, I still don't have an answer.  I don't use advanced level math.  I use basic math.  I add and subtract.  I do simple multiplication (most of the time on a calculator)  I figure out percentages and basic fractions.  And I still, to this day, no matter how many times I do it, have to ask my husband the amount I need for 3/4 cup when I'm doubling a recipe.   My brain is wired for words, not numbers, and isn't helped by the math phobia I acquired from my years in public school.  

For my children, that is not an issue.  They won't have those phobias, or hang-ups, or bad experiences.  They're learning math like everything else:  naturally, from the real world.  Basic math is everywhere.  If they're like me, they'll likely never need more than that.  If they WANT to go into a math-related field, they'll seek more, and learn it, and enjoy it.  Otherwise, they'll learn to appreciate math in the same way that I've finally come to appreciate it:  not as something to dread and fear, but something that's a useful and necessary tool, something to aid in their shopping, and building, and baking, and budgeting.

Real life (and real learning) cannot be duplicated in a classroom.  It just can't.  

Real life is at home.  It's in the backyard: taking care of the chickens, pruning the trees, and putting together a swingset.  It's in the kitchen: baking, and cooking, and experimenting.  It's on the couch: curled up with a good book or an interesting movie or a sewing project.  It's in the office: paying the bills, scheduling the dentist appointments, and responding to emails. It's in the driveway: changing the oil, checking the tire pressure, or creating a chalk mural on the pavement.

Real life is out on the town.  It's shopping.  It's libraries.  It's parks.  It's museums.  It's zoos.  It's restaurants.  It's post offices, banks, and dry cleaners.

Real life is out in the world.  It's traveling.  It's exploring.  It's discovering.  It's giving.  It's learning. It's sharing.  

My parents were wonderful, and taught me many things, but I was still in school for 8 hours a day, every day, until I was 18.  I didn't get to experience the real world until I was an adult.  My kids are living it, and enjoying it, and learning from it, right now.

My 2011 Dream Board

I'm not a fan of Oprah Winfrey - not even a little bit - but I do have to say that I love her little "dream board" creator. I first discovered it last year, played with it for an entire day, and printed and immediately tacked up my creation when I was done. Today I decided to do an updated version in honor of the new year.

I used a few of the same pictures and sentiments from last year, and a few that were new.

My dreams/visions/aspirations for 2011:

Faith - I feel like I'm at a crossroads with my faith right now.  It's been on my heart in a major way, and something needs to change.  Or get shaken up. Or turned upside down.  Not because I'm doubting it, or weak in it, but because..... well, I don't know why yet.  I just know that no matter what this year - or life - brings, it needs to begin with faith.   I have to start there.  So that's in the middle.

Love - Second to faith has to be love, and in particular my family.  These five people that live with me are my heart and soul and my rock.  This year, like every year, is about them.

Freedom - I couldn't do what I do, or live the way I live, without tremendous amounts of freedom.  Freedom to keep the kids out of school, freedom to parent them in the way we choose, freedom to enjoy the earth, freedom to explore, to learn, to embrace, to discover.  Freedom TO BE.  I never take advantage of our freedom, and only seek and appreciate it more and more.

Explore - Exploring is a running theme of unschooling in general... all of LIFE is an exploration!.... But this year, it also refers to a trip that's been a long time coming:  a nearly month-long drive and visit back east this summer.  It's a big trip for a lot of reasons, one that we weren't ready to take until this year.  My hope and prayer for this trip is that it's a smooth, memorable, and enjoyable trip for all six of us.

Gratitude - I can always have more gratitude.  A few specifics this year:  1) gratitude for the ability to pay off our debt.  It won't be completely paid off in 2011, but we will be very very close by the end of the year.  I feel a LOT of emotions when I think about that, but it begins with gratitude.  And 2) gratitude for our home.  I've been guilty this year of getting mopey and whiny and ungrateful for our house.  We were not intending to live here longer than a year or two, and it therefore never felt like "home."  I want to move so very badly.  I get frustrated by the market, frustrated by all the people walking away from mortgages which drives our value down even more, frustrated with the feeling of being "stuck."  Frustrated that the kids can't all have their own space.  I need to stop.  We're here for right now, for whatever reason, and this our house.  I want to appreciate it, and I want to make it beautiful and comfortable and make it our HOME. (Yes, four years after we moved in)  This is the year I will do that.

Believe - Simply because none of it will materialize unless I believe in it.  Corny,  but true.

Balance - Along with gratitude, another thing I am constantly, constantly seeking... especially this coming year.  Balance between work and play, solitude and fellowship.  Balance of mind, of body, of spirit.  Balance between being mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend... and just me.

Create - In regards to that balance, I'm not me unless I'm able to create.... something.  This year, I'm excited about seeing two big writing projects through to completion:  one on my own, and one with a friend.  I'm also looking forward to lots of blogging and lots of picture taking (once I get another camera)  Oh and I plan on more cupcake creating too.  For me, creating usually begins with pen and paper, which is why I chose the picture I did.  Coffee always helps too.

Joy -  It's all about the joy

Inspire - Finally, and perhaps one of my biggest goals for the year... Not only do I want to continue to be inspired by the amazing people I have in my life (many of whom live in my computer) but I want to inspire others as well, in any way I can.  My unschooling voice has gotten bigger and more confident as I've grown, and I'm thankful that I'm able to use it to connect with others.  And from a practical standpoint, last year I started formally studying wellness and nutrition, and decided to lay the groundwork for a future yoga/wellness/holistic health venture.  I've completed the nutrition portion, (in the sense that I've completed the required amount of hours that I committed to - not that I will stop learning about it!)  and will begin the yoga teacher training in just a couple of months.  By the end of the year, I want to be sharing both of them with others, and hopefully inspiring someone along the way.

Perspective

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but I do love to set goals (and lists; I love lists), break them up into pieces, and work every day to get there. If I were to make a resolution, it would be the same one year after year... not because I fail at it and need to resolve to do it over again, but because I think it's just that important:

Don't sweat the small stuff.  And it's all small stuff.

It's an old adage, to be sure, but a good one. I still have the book on my shelf somewhere, dusty and dog-eared,   moved from house to house... packed, unpacked, and packed again.

It's been at least a decade since I've read it, but I like knowing that it's there... to remind me.

Not that I really need a book to remind me, as life is replete with reminders.  I had my first such reminder of the year yesterday, January 2nd, and as it turned out it carried into this morning as well.  I was sitting at the kitchen counter, wasting a colossal amount of time doing important internet research on my laptop, and drinking a mudslide, when Tegan climbed up onto my lap.  I'm not sure what happened exactly, whether she lost her balance and reached for the counter or what.  Or maybe I shifted her on my lap and she accidently bumped it; I truly don't know.  All I know is something fell off the counter, and there was a crash - the crackling, cringe-worthy kind - and I knew something had broken.  It took me a minute to realize what it was, because I was more concerned about my laptop, as I have a somewhat bad history with my laptop and adult beverages (or any kind of beverage)  But my laptop was fine.  My camera, in pieces on the tile, was not.  The lens was broken, the body was broken, the whole thing was rendered useless.  Now, I'm not into "things", but if I had to choose, my camera would have been one of my top three favorite possessions.  

And I was looking at it, and I was looking at Mike (who was examining it, and muttering, and periodically reaffirming that it was indeed completely ruined) and I felt..... fine.  

It's just a camera.

It was a complete accident, and accidents happen.  Even if it wasn't.... even if she'd grabbed it and THROWN it onto the floor, for whatever reason... my getting upset would not change the fact that it's still small stuff.  Am I happy that I just lost a $600 camera?  No.  What I'm happy about is that if that's the worst of my problems right now, I'm doing pretty well.  I have nothing to complain about.  There are actual problems in the world.  A broken camera is not one of them.  There was a time when we would've run right out and gotten another, courtesy of Visa, but that impulse is gone.   Instead, we'll do without a camera for a bit, save up some money, and replace it in a few months.  And when we do, it'll be nice, and I'll be excited..... and it'll still be just a camera.  Like all the other "stuff" we may use - and enjoy and appreciate, sure - it just doesn't matter.   Life isn't about things.

And just so I'd have a nice little post-script - I got up this morning, anxious to get to my faithful laptop to get started on this blog.  It made a horrific noise, like a helicopter waiting to take off, froze, and has so far refused to start back up.  It's been on borrowed time since the first wine incident (which may or may not have had anything to do with the same two people who were in the near vicinity for the camera breaking) and I believe it's time I face that the fact that it's going to need to be replaced sooner rather than later too.

So I'm using one of the desktops, sitting on an old, damaged office chair, with half of the seat's cloth ripped away, and huge chunks of stuffing pulled out.  

And I'm truly, and deliriously, happy.

I am blessed.

My Girl

 Tegan's New Year's Day Dora viewing party

I have a confession to make.  I've never had a professional manicure.  I've never been to a spa.  I can count on one hand the number of times I've paid for a haircut.  I'm not into purses, know nothing about makeup, and I haven't seen my hairdryer in a decade.  My standard-issue wardrobe consists of jeans and t shirts. In short, I'm not exactly what you'd call a "girlie" girl.

I was never the one who dreamt about having a little girl of her own, never the one who felt like she wouldn't be complete unless she was able to be a mother to a daughter.  I loved having three boys (I still do!)  and when we were blessed enough to become pregnant with Tegan, it was with no expectations other than to have another beautiful child.

I dreaded the comments.  Dreaded them.  Not so much the comments that were made to me alone, because I'm a big girl, but the comments that were made right in front of the boys.  "Trying one last time for a girl?"  "Hopefully you'll finally get a girl."  "I bet you're hoping for a girl."  How hurtful that must have been for the boys!

I needed a placard to hang around my neck:

Yes, we're having another baby after 3 boys.  No, we are not disappointed that we had only boys.  No, we were not "trying for a girl."   Yes, we will be JUST AS HAPPY if our fourth child is a girl or a boy.

We still get the unsolicited commentary when people realize that we had a girl after 3 boys, and it still bothers me.  I freely admit that I'm more sensitive about it than I should be, but (a second confession, if I may) letting go of hurtful - and repeated - comments from family members has never been my strong suit.  

And here's the thing:  I am so glad that the decision was not up to me.  I think about it sometimes, and I realize that we could have very easily called our family complete with the three boys, so content we were the children we'd already been blessed with.  I am so thankful that God placed it strongly (so, so strongly) on my heart to have another.  And I think it's ironic - and wonderful!! - that this tomboy was given not just a girl, but a GIRL'S girl.... a girl who loves pink, and sparkles, and nail polish, and princesses.  A girl who's filled my house with dolls and dresses, crowns and castles.  And so help me, I love it.

Being a mother to the boys came very naturally to me, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that mothering a girl, while being completely new to me, came just as naturally.   Legos, nerf guns, bow and arrows, tea sets, princesses, Dora parties.  I'm there.

And when she's ready for her first real manicure, I'll be there too.

Plans and Passions

Last night we rang in the New Year with a carpet picnic of fried, not-even-remotely-healthy-non-food, wine, and season one of The Big Bang Theory.  Today we saw Mike's parents off at the airport, went to a movie with the kids, and started planning for 2011.

I avoided it for as long as I could.  As focused as I've been on living in the moment, thinking about a whole other year seemed somehow distasteful.  But it's officially here, and I can deny it no longer.  

So plan we must.

Everett is in a play this spring, with rehearsals starting next week.

We've got field trips and co-ops, appointments and day trips

We have visitors coming for a week in February

I'm beginning yoga teacher training in March (unless I change my mind about the timing, again, because.. well.. I do that)

I'd really like to edit my Nano book

A friend and I are collaborating on an unschooling project

We're tentatively planning a three-week trip east this summer.

And so it goes....

A lot of planning, figuring, thinking, and dreaming.  Right now though, I'm thinking of none of that.  Right now, I'm actually thinking of blogging (while I'm blogging, what are the chances?)  I read an article about blogging the other day, by the lovely Dan over at Single Dad Laughing, and it talked about - among other things - the importance of blogging every day.  Every.  Single.  Day.  It also mentioned posting a picture with every post, which is why I included the yogi at the top of this entry (which really has nothing to do with anything, except that I mentioned yoga).  So, I was reading this article and thinking about blogging, and I suddenly decided that this will be the year that I will cease being Jen who occasionally blogs, and become Jen The Blogger.  Because, well why not.   Because I want to see over 300 posts in one year in my archives.

And because I can.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We pulled it off.

After a rather odd and stressful week leading up to Christmas, with kids with fevers and husbands with bronchitis, and missed Christmas Eve services, and last minute trips to buy new sleeper couches ... it all somehow came together. I had my lingering doubts right up until 9:00 the night before Christmas, but then it was there: that moment when all is right with the world, that moment when life is fuzzy and warm and we're all together and the kids are happy (at the same time!) When no one's worried about to-do lists or expectations or stresses; when life is just about the holiday, about being together, and about celebrating.

And it was good.

Christmas day was busy and fun, as were the days that followed.

And just like that, another year is over.  I noticed in my online wanderings this morning that lots of bloggers were honoring the end of the year with a list of the "best of the best", sort of a round-up of their top - or most interesting or most noticed or most read - posts for the year.  Never one to miss a party (at least the virtual kind where I don't have to actually be social and talk to people), here is mine.

Best wishes for a healthy, happy, prosperous, and peace-filled 2011.

My Future Street Sweepers

Teens and Toddlers

He Who Spareth the 1/4 Inch Plumbing Supply Line 

Harry Potter, Hiking Shoes, and Vacations

Condemnation 

My friend is one... who take me for what I am

Discipline

It's that time of year again, folks

Attachment Parenting:  Freedom and Joy

Offensive, defined

The Anatomy of a Gingerbread House

This was the first year we bought one of those pre-packaged gingerbread kits, in all its hydrogenated, artificially colored glory.

Everett immediately put himself in charge.

"I'm doing something fun with my brothers and it involves CANDY!"

Sometime around here, 2 year old disappeared.  She was clear across the house.

"No, I don't have a mouth full of candy."

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen.....

It was when I was taking pictures of the finished product that I saw the ever-widening gap on the ceiling.

Going.

Going.

Gone.

The whole thing took an hour, from box to table to mouth.  And it was worth every second, and every penny.

Seven days till Christmas.